Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
