Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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