well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
