Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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