so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
