I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
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I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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