Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
