Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
