She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
