If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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