I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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