I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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