I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I want to stick my p in your. b.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
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Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
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You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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