Soap is not a condiment
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize