what day is it and did you see me today?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
