Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
