dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
