The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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