come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
