They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
