Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
