you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
