Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
