Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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