I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
