I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
