spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
