I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
