if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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