I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
