Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
id be glad to
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
