He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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