Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
