Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
