We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
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