nut hugger
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
