I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
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Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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