as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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