remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
