Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
