She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
