12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
