Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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