i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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