can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
