She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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