his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
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