I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
