So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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