i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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