He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
be right there i have to get my cape
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
