So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize