kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
