What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i think i have herpe
just one?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
