Your mouth is God's brothel.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
