I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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